As ridiculous as it sounds, most people seem to have no sense of proper etiquette. NONE. So here is my list of rants and rules. First off, I hate people who talk on the cell phone with other people in the car.

Say for example, it's you and three other people in a car. If someone calls you, it's completely acceptable to answer the call, obviously. It's even acceptable to engage in a brief conversation with them.

But it is NOT ok to fucking spend the next 30 minutes yammering away. Here is why:

• You've turned the music down. It's completely understandable that you would have the music turned down while you are on the phone, but if you are going to fucking spend forever on the phone, it's rude (bear with me on this)
• Since you've turned the music down, we now have nothing else to listen to but you on the phone. Since we can only hear half the conversation (or all of it, depending on the caller) and we can't really engage in the conversation (or it's someone we don't know) we are forced to listen to you, talking to someone besides us.
• We can't talk to each other. Why? Because you are on the phone. It's rude.

So where are we left? Sitting, in silence, for extended periods of time because you are too busy to talk to the FUCKING PEOPLE SITTING RIGHT BESIDE YOU.

Hang the fucking phone up.

If you are in public, talking at a reasonable volume is ok.

UNLESS you are in a situation where someone might need to address you.

• While wandering through a store looking at clothes, at a reasonable level: OK
• While standing in a checkout line or approaching a sales clerk: BAD

Furthermore, when I say a reasonable level, I mean "at a volume where you are able to speak quietly enough that you aren't bothering people standing around/near you." If a place is particularly busy/loud (say a resturaunt) raising your voice to be heard is NOT ok. Excuse yourself, go outside, find a quieter place to talk.

While sitting around watching TV with friends/family. It may surprise you to learn that it's incredibly distracting to try and listen to the TV through your inane cellular banter. Stop it asshole.

It's equally annoying when other people have to suspend what they are doing because you are on the phone. A perfect example is you are playing cards with your friends. Unless it's absolutely critical (like someone is fucking dead, and nothing less), get off the phone. And the justification that it's important to you holds no water. What you are stating is that when your (hypothetically speaking) girlfriend calls, she is MORE important to you than your friends. I am not saying that she should rank less, but the fact that she calls you on your phone doesn't magically excuse the fact that you are currently engaged in another activity, with REAL people sitting right there, waiting for you.

If you were at work, in a meeting, and your girlfriend called, would you tell your boss to pause the meeting while you found out what she ate for lunch? No. Don't be a dick.

What it really all comes down to is what I like to call the "45 Second Rule"

It's pretty fucking simple:

Your phone rings, quickly scan the area surrounding you.

• Is there anyone you know within ten feet, and they are spending time with you?
• Are you in a line with strangers?
• Is anyone (clerk, salesperson, etc) going to need to speak WITH YOU in the next 5 minutes?
• Are you in a car with other people?

If you answered "YES" to any of these, you may answer your phone, but you are entitled to speak for NO MORE than 45 seconds. This is exactly enough time to find out any pertinent information, or arrange to call back later. Period.