It's Midnight on a Tuesday. I'm sitting here in my underwear watching cartoons, eating a Ranch Dressing/Bell Pepper/Black Pepper/Mushroom/American Cheese omelette, drinking a Bells Batch 7000 beer...

I just realized, I freaking LOVE being a bachelor.

Here is the thing: I am not against the idea of dating someone, not at all. Were I to meet the "right" girl, odds are good I wouldn't even mind living with her. But there are just certain things that I, as a single guy (who effectively lives alone) can do.

I don't wash my dishes until I am damned ready. Now, my house isn't rank with maggots, eau de festering meat, flies, or general filth. In fact, it's pretty clean (for the most part). But Since I generate about one pan and two dishes of filth every three days, I really only need to wash the dishes once a week. No sweat.

My room remains in perfect condition. This may sound counter-intuitive, but I like to keep my room "just so". Every girl that has ever spent any amount of time in my room (be it a frequent companion or a live in girlfriend) has managed to fuck things up. I like my shit to be where it goes. My bed is made every day, my pillows are put on the bed in a certain order, my desk has all the shit on it I need.

I stay up until all hours of the night. I can't honestly remember the last time I went to bed (sober) before three. Usually it's closer to 4 or 5. I watch cartoons pretty much from the moment I get home until the second I close my eyes to sleep. (Except for Tuesdays, then I take a break for "House").

I can watch porn whenever I damned well please. Ladies, this may seem silly, but sometimes a guy just has to watch some porn. You know what I mean men. I don't have to "sneak" in my porn watching. I just do it.

I talk to myself. This isn't so much bachelorhood as much as it is being alone 2/3 of the day... I find myself talking to myself. A lot. I don't know if this is good or bad, but it's worth noting.

I don't have to pay attention to anyone. I do my thing from the moment I get home until I go to work the next day. Last night I was up at 3:30 in the morning poring over auction sites for Neo-Geo MVS cabinets. No one interrupted, I didn't feel like I should be spending "quality time" with anyone. I just did what I wanted.

I get to sleep alone. This might be the most awesome part, ever. Every once in a while it would be nice to share a bed with someone; but by and large, I prefer to sleep alone. I swear to christ, the perfect wife is going to either be the person I can sleep next to without being irritated, or she will have her own fucking bedroom. No offense ladies, but barring sex, 9 times out of 10, You should sleep in your own bed.