So, a friend of mine wrote this because she is tired of guys screwing up, and well, I thought that guys (and girls!) should get a chance to read it. I am also encouraging people to post their own lists in the comments. You will find mine there.

click read more to learn how she likes it

Rules and Guidelines for Being With Me

This list started out
as a joke between friends. I was complaining about what someone did
while we were having sex and my friend said I should make a list so
that other guys wouldn’t make the same mistake. Now this list
has blossomed into an all-conclusive list of ways to please me (and
ways to keep from pissing me off)

First off, there are few things you should know about me:

1. You will never meet another girl like me, so take advantage of it. Other girls are
   a dime a dozen. You say you want a girl who knows what she
   wants…well here she is.

2. I enjoy sex. I enjoy talking about sex, having sex, and everything else related to
   sex. That does not make me easy or a whore. If you call me that, I
   will kick you in the balls.
   

3. You either appreciate what I have to say or you don’t. If you don’t,
   then don’t read any further. I am comfortable in my sexuality
   and quite frankly, I think you have the problem if you think there’s
   something wrong with me. At least I know what I want and how to get
   it.

Guidelines Regarding Sex

1. There is a definite difference between having sex and making love. Don’t
   kid yourself girls.
   

2. Guys, you cannot “miss.” It’s not possible so don’t play it
   off like it was an accident. I’m not down with you going near
   my ass so don’t push it.

3. Don’t be afraid to tell me when you like or don’t like, I aim to
   please.

4. Size does not really matter as long as you know how to use it. You can be big and
   totally suck or you can be small and rock my world.

5. Guys needs to learn about the power of the clit.

6. You can bite and shit, but you start leaving marks, you’re out! (Unless they
   are in places that cannot be seen, then it’s totally cool.)

7. Do lick and touch my nipples because it feels awesome. Don’t bite, it hurts!

8. Don’t grab my boobs like your kneading dough, it fuckin hurts!

9. Don’t tease me by leaning in for a kiss and then pulling away. It pisses me off.
   On the flip, I like doing it to you because it turns me on, so deal
   with it.

10. Sometimes I growl, deal with it.

11. Music while having sex can be good, as long as it won’t make you laugh.

12. Turn the damn tv off. If I catch you watching it, you’re out!

13. Feel free to compliment me anytime about how smooth my skin is or how fine my ass
    is. I will reward you graciously.
    

14. Being naughty in public is fun, but don’t take it too far.
    

15. I like talking about sex, especially if it’s with a person I’m going to
    have sex with. I like details.
    

16. I like being fucked hard.

17. I do enjoy being on top, but not for the whole time. For me to get off, I need you to
    be on top and fuck the hell out of me.

18. If you can do that thing where you flip me over while staying inside, you will be
    rewarded.

19. I am happy to dance/strip for you, but you better enjoy it.

20. I like my legs above me head. It feels awesome so just do it.

21. Make noise dammit! I want to know that you’re not falling asleep. If I hear you
    enjoying something, I will do it more.

22. Do tease me by kissing and touching me in the nether regions without touching the
    hot spots. That will drive me crazy and I might just hump your
    brains out.

23. It’s hard to get me off. If you do (and all you have to do is ask how) you are in
    for a loooong and incredible night.

24. The best thing about sex for me, and can actually make me cum simultaneously, is to
    have a guy get off inside of me (with a condom on of course).

25. I enjoy getting it from behind while on all fours with the guy standing up. It feels
    incredible and I love feeling your hands on my ass while you’re
    pumping away. Plus it’s totally cool if you want to cum all
    over my back.

26. I enjoy looking in the mirror while doing it because it looks so damn sexy.

27. I enjoy cyber sex, don’t knock it til you tried it.

28. You can shoot it all over my chest, just watch the eyes dammit!

29. Yes, there are people that I call for booty, and I am someone’s booty call.
    But if we are dating, that ends.

30. I masturbate, I have a vibrator, but nothing beats the real thing.

31. Do not get up right away after having sex with me. Lay with me for like 2 minutes,
    otherwise I feel really stupid.

32. I do enjoy being held or spooning after sex cause everything is super sensitive.

33. Don’t leave without at least giving me a good kiss. Otherwise, I feel used and
    cheap.

34. Don’t be insulted if I play with myself after sex. That’s when it feels
    the best.

35. If you can “fuck the drunk out of me” or fuck me so good that I have a hard
    time walking, that’s awesome.

36. Sex in the shower/bath is difficult but worth the effort. I love getting all
    soapy.

37. If I say something stupid during sex, don’t bring it up later. Especially in
    front of your friends.

38. If I say something stupid earlier, do not bring it up during sex.

39. Definitely be around when I watch Edward Norton of Matthew McConaughey movies,
    because you will get lucky.

40. Ok guys, here’s the truth. It is harder for a girl to get off than for you to get
    off. Somedays it just won’t happen for us and we know it.
    Therefore, we will fake it to save time and effort on your part. And
    sometimes it just starts hurting too much anyway. We don’t
    fake it to play with your mind, we fake it so that you don’t
    have to keep doing it when you’re tired. Don’t be
    insulted, it’s a fact of life.

Guidelines Regarding Oral Sex

1. I enjoy giving head. You will never meet another girl that does it better. So
   appreciate it thoroughly.

2. Unless I’m feeling really frisky, you should do something to deserve getting
   head. It is something that takes time, skill, and energy on my part
   so make it worth my while.
   

3. If you’re getting head, you may hold my hair, but if you push down on my head,
   I will bite you. I hate that. I’m in control of it, not you.

4. Definitely tell me how good I am and how good it feels during and after. It makes me
   want to do it again and makes me do a better job during.

5. I have been known to get off while giving head.
   

6. Yes, I do swallow, but only if I feel like it.

7. Don’t be freaked out if I look at you while I’m giving you head. I just
   like to see if you are enjoying it or not.

8. Don’t be freaked out if I watch while you go down on me. It turns me on even
   more to watch.

9. I don’t know why, but I prefer being fingered than being sucked off. Fingering me
   and getting the clit as well is incredible.

Dating Guidelines

1. If you ever call me your bitch or any other assorted degrading names, I will kick you
   in the balls.

2. There is nothing wrong with fuck friends. That’s actually cool to have someone
   you can count on for sex, etc. It’s always nice to help a
   friend in need.

3. Only ever say good things about me and my body. I’m a girl, I’m
   self-conscious, don’t point out my flaws.

4. If I look especially nice, tell me! I will definitely make it worth your while
   later.

5. Never EVER tell me to be quiet or to shut up. You will most likely get slapped.

6. Don’t ask me how many people I’ve been with, that’s my business, not
   yours. And we all know that you will be unhappy about the number no
   matter how small or how big, so just let it be.

7. If we are dating, don’t be with anyone else, especially behind my back. Cause we
   all know you’d be pissed if you found out I was with someone
   else.

8. Don’t gimme that “we’re not really together” shit excuse. It’s
   a totally jack-ass thing to do and you will most likely get kicked
   in the balls.
   

9. “I was drunk” is not an excuse. If I can’t trust you, then
   we’re done.

10. Guys/Girls nights out are fine, as long as you end up with me later.

11. If we are out together, tell me how hot I look and how bad you want me. Including
    specific details will make later even better.

12. I think it’s really sexy if it turns you on to watch me dance with another guy,
    especially if you won’t dance with me yourself.

13. I do follow the different zip code rule in certain situations. If I was on vacation,
    I would definitely take advantage of it too. As long as you’re
    safe and come home to me, it’s cool.

14. Do treat me with respect. If you treat me right, I will treat you right and vice
    versa.

15. I’m pretty laid back about relationships. Just don’t cross those lines
    that you know you shouldn’t. And you know, so don’t
    pretend that you don’t.

16. Guys and Girls: Don’t sleep with someone who might have feelings for you or if
    you might have feelings for them, unless you plan on dating them.
    Otherwise, it gets complicated and feelings get hurt.

17. Don’t be suspicious of me because you can count on me not to cheat. If you
    are constantly on my case about where I’ve been and what I’ve
    been doing, it pisses me off.

18. Brag about me to your guy friends, I want them to be jealous. Just don’t bring
    up anything too personal or embarrassing. You know what is and what
    is not so don’t play dumb.

Porn and Other Related Items

1. Porn is cool as long as it’s not abusive or degrading and is professionally
   made. I don’t dig the amateur stuff. I don’t know, it
   just seems wrong.
   

2. Girl on girl porn is really sexy, but that does not make me a lesbian. Sometimes girls
   know how to do it best.

3. I can appreciate the beauty and sexiness of a woman’s body. Again, that does
   not make me a lesbian cause I could never actually date a girl.
   

4. I will kiss another girl if the occasion arises. I think it’s pretty damn
   hot.

5. No I will not be in a video with you. I KNOW it’ll end up on the internet so
   forget it.

6. I just might be up for a threesome, you never know.

7. As a general rule….it never hurts to ask

8. Guys…if two of you are doing a girl at the same time, do NOT “London
   Bridge.” Don’t give each other high fives. That’s
   very degrading. She is doing you a favor, so don’t ruin it.

9. Guys, do not call them “tits.” It sounds really cheap.

10. There is nothing wrong with going somewhere to specifically have sex with someone.
    Quite frankly, I think the person on the receiving end should be
    especially greatful.