I talked to my friend "The Limey" today. He's in the coast guard, and he isn't even american. Yay him. But at any rate, apparently he got a new uniform. This isn't what interested me. No, it was his old uniform.

click read more or else the home appliances get it Apparently, the old coast guard uniforms look much like Maytag Repair uniforms. Yes, thats right, our country is safe from the cubans thanks to The Maytag Man(or a boatload of them).

I can imagine it now:

Cubans: If you are the coast guard here to tell us we have to go home, WE HAVE GUNS MANG!

CG: Nope, Just your everyday maytag repairmen at sea. Care to let us board to tune that washing machine?

Cubans: Oh....certainly. You know, it's funny, mang, the coast guards boat is white with a big red stripe on it too...and it even has those same type of guns..sure you aren't Coast Guard?

CG: Yep, how can we be? This guy isn't even from america!

Apparently though, most of the danger the limey faces is from illegal fishermen. Not even some Canadian Refugees to spice it up. Here is a sample of a really exciting day for the limey:

[17:31] Ben: we're mostly on fisheries patrols

[17:31] Ben: going after illegal fishermen

[17:31] Hanzo v69: do you guys catch many?

[17:32] Ben: and, hrmm, let see... a 270 foot
white boat with a red stripe going at 12 knots (20 mph) isn't going to make them think "hey, lets throw the guns, knives, pot, and illegal fish overboard in the 2 hours it takes them to get here"

[17:33] Ben: we have caught 2 boats in a closed area in the year i've been onboard

[17:33] Hanzo v69: amazing. Did they like forget to hire a lookout or something?

[17:34] Ben: one we caught in fog that was so thick that we could only do about 5 mph safely

[17:35] Ben: we found them on radar, and asked them what their intentions were because they were really close, they replied "we're fising" so we replied "we're the coast guard" so they said "guess you want to board us now, huh?"

[17:35] Hanzo v69: HA! thats awesome

[17:36] Ben: yeah, it was pretty funny, we spent 2 hours looking for them, we were only a mile away

[17:36] Hanzo v69: thats insanity...did they even try to run?

[17:37] Ben: nope

[17:37] Ben: we had IDd them before telling them we were the coast guard

[17:37] Hanzo v69: Oh, well that changes things a bit.

[17:38] Ben: well, we just got the vessel and captain name

[17:38] Ben: but that was enough

[17:38] Hanzo v69: Yeah...

[17:38] Ben: plus they were loaded so they could only do about 15 knots

[17:38] Ben: we max out at 19.5

[17:39] Ben: and we have a 76mm cannon on the front, no to mention the 50 cal machine guns

[17:39] Hanzo v69: heh...yeah I would probably think twice about that...so what kind of trouble were they in?

[17:40] Ben: well, $370,000 worth of fish, 2 million in fines, revoked their lisence for 2 years

[17:40] Hanzo v69: ouch.

[17:40] Ben: yeah

[17:40] Hanzo v69: beats getting shot at by a bunch of repair men though.

Ooooh...Exciting!

Moral of the story: If you are a refugee of any type at sea, or a jamaican refugee on the high seas, or an illegal fisherman, and someone asks for your ID...lie.

The boats are slow, and trust me, your washing machine doesn't need fixed that badly.