Part one of an indeterminably long series of revenge suggestions.

Click read more for this weeks episode As a public service, freezerpants.com is going to provide you with a proven revenge tactic once a week until the end of time. (or we run out of ideas). This weeks adventure:

Don't fuck with my Football (tv) Bitch!

Did that bitch interrupt Monday Night football for the USA Networks 27th annual foo-foo poodle fokkers dog show? Can't kill the slut? (it is illegal in a lot of states these days..)
Try this, instead. The next time she complains about your sex life needing a boost (if you aren't listening to her, the tip off will be when you hear the word "sex" and she is holding a cosmo magazine. ) Tell her that you want to "play" a game with her...act as sexy as possible (imagine you are a soft core porn actor) and blindfold her. A silk scarf is sexy, the bacon-crusted tea towel is not, FYI. Lead her to the bedroom (or kitchen table if you are gunning for divorce/castration) strip her clothes off (gently, don't let the cat out of the bag) and tie her up.

To keep her from becoming suspicious, say something nice about that cows body, and kiss her in places you normally dont stick your penis. (Neck, stomach, etc). Then say something to the effect of "Hang on, I have some whipped cream in the fridge" Walk to the general area of the fridge, and then yell back "Shit, we're out...I'm going to run to the store...be right back" and open and close the door.

Quietly, hang out in the house. This is the sweet part. Hang out until you hear that bitch crying for the sweet mary jesus. And just as she is at her worst....run in and rape that cunt. Err...open the door and pretend to be back. Life is good.

Have an awesome revenge tactic? Make it an article! Use the "Submit Article link at the top of the page. Make it funny, and Next week this could be your column!