Ah, the wingman. One of the most vital creatures in the precious ecosystems of adults.

Click read more for a study of "The Wingman" The Wingman. Just how vital a role does he play in every day sexification? In the next few chapters (paragraphs..) we will take a hard (sort of) unobjective look at the wingman (in a very biased and fictional sort of way).

In order to understand the necessity of the wing man, we need to know what the job entails. Basically, the wingman plays the same role in the bar as he would in the sky. He always has his partners back, covering his ass should the shit hit the fan, and gunning down incoming bogeys, allowing his man to ultimately complete the mission, Getting his fuck on.

For the unitiated, this may sound like a walk in the park. Let me tell you friend, its anything but. A good wingman must possess many vital skills. He should be able to nonverbally communicate ideas with his partner, including complex strategies, all without drawing the attention of the hot slut (or fat beefalo) sitting next to them.

A good wingman must also be willing to sacrifice moral standing (if he indeed has any) to cover the tracks of a friend. He must always be willing to provide a plausible alibi to any nosey girlfriends, wives, mothers, or husbands. He must be willing to flat out lie and never back down. Even when caught.

But the most important trait a good wingman must possess, is the willingness and acceptance of self sacrifice.

The Grenade: Oh sure we have all heard abou it, but how many of you have done the nasty with a girl so hideous you became queasy just smelling her, all so your mate could get with the turbo MILF and her Daughter? No, one ever wants to jump on the grenade, its just something that you have to do, knowing that someday your boy will do it for you.

Honest self analyisis is another vital trait. A master wingman must be willing to honestly evaluate his own game, and if he has less game then pong, drop his mission and make sure at least someone gets laid.

So think you have what it takes to a good wingman? The best? Lets test your wingman IQ, sucka.

1. You're at a bar, and your boy has a line on a hot piece of ass. The only problem is her friend has her jacket on and is tapping her toe waiting for her to wrap it up. Realizing your boy needs to marinade his rump roast a little more before its tender enough to dig into, what do you do?

A) Suggest to your friend that you invite yourselves along with the girls

B) Intercept the impatient girl and start laying it on thick, whisper sweet nothings and tie her up for a bit.

C) Calmly walk over to the impatient friend and say in your cool voice "Look baby, my friend needs to get freaky with your friend, why don't you go take a walk, she's in good hands..."

2. You're throwing a party, and the shit is off the hizzle. As the crowd starts to thin out, you notice your dog is making headway with a chick. Problem is that you know for sheezy you could tap that ass, but you aren't so sure about your boy. What do you do hot shot?

A) Let him ride, ain't no thang. Keep on working the room, and if he strikes out and you can seal the deal, it's all fair.

B) Use your added influence to warm her up to re-creating an aspen vacation with you and your boy. Man the ski poles, and mind the wood baby, chair 3way is ready to go!

C) Tell your boy that he really doesn't stand much of a chance, and that since you know you can hit it, to do the right thing and step down so someone gets booty.

3. You are just about to leave the bar with a total ho that will rock your world, when you notice your boy is about to get his ass handed by some drunken rednecks. You know he didn't start the shit, and you know he can take them, and you know in ten minutes this chick is starting the party, with or without you. What do you do?

A) Let your friend know that you gotta jet, wait for him to let you know he understands and its cool, then roll straight on to that poon.

B) Tell the girl to go get warmed up, and you will be over to finish her off soon enough, then go to your boy. First redneck that throws a punch eats pool cue.

C) Give your boy a wave and a knowing nod, then scramble, he can talk his way out of the corner easier than you talked your way into the box.

Alright, let's see how you scored:

For every A Give your self zero points.

For every B Give your self one point.

For every C fail your self immediatly, fuckhead.



Three points: No problem, your boy has an ace in the hole, just make sure he is there to back you up.

Two points: You know whats up, you will do OK as a wingman.

One point: Better than nothing man, you get the job.

Zero Points: Hey, not everyone can be a pimp, and not everyone can be a wingman. If your friends want laid though, their only hope is that you hang out with rockstars.

If you answered C, at all. I oughta slap the taste out of your mouth, what are you a fucking imbecile. Get your shit together fag.