God I love the magic hour of 3am. Ideas pop into my head faster than an embolism. SO i was sitting here eating my ice cream and talking to good ol' hanzhoe, when POP! it happened.

click read more to see just what happened They say necessity is the mother of invention. Well, I've recently started driving and I've noticed that the roads in my fair city of brotherly manlove are in piss poor condition. I'm going to assume its the same everywhere else because like my fellow Philly people i live in a bubble constructed by ignorance and held together with bits of clay and mud much like the huts of our native American forefathers.

I thought to myself, how can these conditions be improved without costing me any hard earned tax refund money? I'LL TELL YOU HOW! Privatization of street repairs and upkeep THAT'S HOW MOTHA! Look its working in other aspects of the community. For instance, electric companies have recently been privatized around here. This served to create competition for the consumer's dollar. Driving prices, the theory is, down to a reasonable range for all who wish to plug in their toasters and drop them in the tub with them!

And you know that John Stossel guy? He's on 20/20. He was talking on the show once about how out in California they have like private Ambulance Companies that reply faster than the city owned one. They get their faster and are cheaper too. And they have these "speed lanes" where the roads are bought up by private businesses. They promise to keep it clean while they advertise on it. Drivers have to pay to use it. But the limited cars makes it go faster. The tolls are non existent because they pay ahead of time by credit card. Its taking EZ pass and Adopt a Highway to new levels.

So I thought about how it could work out here. Say we privatize the roads. And instead of pre paying we have tolls set up with the rest of the toll booths around here. Like at the turnpike and on bridges. The companies would promise to keep the roads nicely paved. Fill the godforsaken potholes left by the snow! Maybe even paint it pretty colors!

• I'm thinking that Pepsi could have their own lane. Make the toll like $. 50 and sell sodas for like 2.00. They'd make a mint. We'd feel like we were getting a good bargain. Everybody wins! A Car wash company could own one! The toll is also a car wash! They could have offers like "buy 1 hot wax, get your next trip to Jersey free" (well OK, maybe not Jersey, we don't want to scare drivers AWAY) THINK of the POSSIBILITIES!

• There could be a Prom Baby Drop Off Lane. Where you little high school skankers can pop out your kiddie in the bathroom at the prom. And instead of dealing with the muss and fuss of disposing of them in the dumpster, You can hand em in at the toll booth, and be on you're way to The shore for your Post-Promdom party!

• Courtesy of Hanzo, there will be a Flaming Broccoli Lane. An Omage to th incident on the turn pike where wild brocolli got dosed with Diesel Fumes and POOF caught on Fire!

• Then there can be the Profanity Lane! You drop your money in the thing and the toll booth person curses you out. "Fifty Cents you cheap ass, what the fuck. Can't you quit suckin' off our dog for one minute to give a man a tip? Christ do I need to come out there and anal rape you? You would like that wouldn't you, assclown. "


• For an extra dollar, you a midget dressed as a leprechaun comes out to give you a dirty limerick "There once was a man from Knoch, who had an enormous...." Well, you get the idea.

There's so many other toll booth ideas! I suggest you think up your own and comment on here about them.

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  Finally, I think I've come up with the best idea for a private toll booth yet. NAKED TOLL BOOTH LANE!!! There will be two booths. One has a girl and one has a guy and they are NAKED! The drivers on this prestigious lane will have the option of being naked too! There will be privacy walls built on either side of the lane to keep your nether regions hush hush. ONLY dollar bills will be excepted. and if you're real good, they'll "make change" for ya. wink wink. Maybe instead of a booth, there should just be a pole for them to dangle from so they can grab the ones with their teeth... either way instead of a clearance sign at the top there will be a sign that says "Honk if you love boobies." Because, who doesn't love boobies?