Have you ever wondered what a made for TV movie about your life would be like? Who would be cast in it?

You un-imaginative fuck...

Well I did, click read more to find out more... This awe inspring story of hope, devastation, more hope, and casual sex of minute magnitude.

Casting would be incredibly important, so here is a suggested line up.

Playing me would be the ever lovable Daniel Schneider who played Dennis on 80's sitcom "Head of The Class" (and current producer of Nickelodeons "The Amanda Show"). Originally, I selected Daniel assuming that he needed the work about as much as I need laid, but with a little investigative work, I have discovered that he is actually doing quite well for himself. Tough luck, I cast him, and it's too late for him to back out now.

Playing the role of my first apartment will be a circa 1985 Chuck Taylor All Star shoe box, slightly used by a Manhattan bum for fecal storage.

Playing the roles of my friends, will be, well, my friends. With a few notable exceptions. The role of Andy "Shaft-fro" Weyand will be played by an extremely coked up Bobcat Goldthwait. Telly Savalas will be pulling double duty, as he will be fed horse tranquilizers for his role as Dave Kaufman, as well as playing everyones conscious in the big finale musical number, "I really don't think you should do that guys".

Steven Wright (on acid) will cameo (from a couch) as Derek Schrock, and finally Ali Landry shall play herself as my turbo hot girlfriend (as of 2004).

This gripping off-broadway inspired drama shall follow me through life from age 17 on. Viewers will be enthralled in the emotional joyride, from the low points (thrown in jail for breaking into a zoo) to the high points (the first amateur sitemaster to make big money off a quasi-humorous website).

With a score created by Jack Black and Billy Idol, the movies musical numbers will include such instant hits like: "Fuck You Dave!" and Reprisal during party sequences involving copious booze, destruction, and nudity(sung by full cast); Chuck Mitchells amazing solo duet "Your bean bag is on the bean bag (i'm naked and drunk, what of it, fag?)" ; "Oh How I have found love (here are pictures of my boobs)" performed by Daniel and Ali, and a slew of other inspirational numbers.

The turning point in the movie will be when Bobcat issues his tear jerking soliloquy "Peanut Butter!" to lead Daniel, forcing him to realize and accept his destiny as a succesful webmaster.

As a post script to this epic made for tv movie (appearing for the first time ever on Fox, ABC, NBC, CBS, WB, Lifetime, And Oxygen simultaneously), it will show present day me and all of my friends running global fortune 100 company Toast Industries (a subsidiary of DSchrock Unltd.).

The final credits will roll with a gratuitous scene of Ali in a steamy soft core shower scene, with derek taking pictures.