However "completely rad" or "boss" or "pimpin' fresh" or even "far-out" you think boy bands are, prepare for their downfall by the hands of the new generation....

You heard me right. Your precious N' Sync/Backstreet Boys/98 Degrees conglomeration of musical shite is about to be replaced by a new and oh-so-exciting phenomenon known by the hip, underground crowd as...........PSYCHEDELIC POLKA!!! Yes, yours truly is currently in the throes of ecstasy mingling with the up-and-coming stars of the newest, hottest, sweetest, most voluptuous thighs....with smooth, milky-white sk.....ahem....the most revolutionary musical genre this side of the Fertile Crescent.

The recipe is simple: 1 part Polka, a smattering of talent, 2 parts acid freak-out, simmer for 15 minutes, and salt to taste. Serve steaming hot with a smidge of Leiderhosen. These young hipsters seem to be having the time of their lives "freaking out" (or so they call it) to the insane sounds produced by bands such as Polish Haze, Bavarian Green, and The Loompa Oompers.

But under this seemingly innocent and carefree facade, beats the heart of drug abuse. Taking their cue from the psychedelic rockers of yore, these young musicians have chosen a drug which fuels their wildly creative musical outings. That drug; caffeine. For better or for worse, these neo-psychedelicists binge on cup after cup of coffee and then hit the stage to let their muses take them to another realm. But the concert go-ers all see it as an essential component of the underground and the music created within.

While at a recent gathering of the burgeoning underground, I had the immeasureable honor of sitting down and chatting with the lead tuba-ist of The Loompa Oompers, Dirk Dobbins. Here's how things went...

Me: So Dirk, tell me about your band's influences.

DD: Well, I was always really into elevator muzak. Todd (our trombonist) really digs Yanni and old school polka, and Steve (the rhythm tuba-ist) is into a lot of 60's psychedelia and John Tesh. So, our sound is really an amalgam of all those influences. Of course, the other members have their influences as well, but they really don't matter now do they?

Me: I dunno, do they?

DD: No.

Me: Ok, now that that's straightened out....What made all 18 of you young fellows decide to put together a band that blends elements of both polka and psychedelia?

DD: Did you just wink at me?

Me: No, I must have something in my eye. Very sorry.

DD: No, I saw it! It was definitely a wink....a very seductive sort of wink.

Me: I assure you, I have no inten-

DD: Perv...

Me: Now, look here! I'm no-

DD: Hey! Zip your pants back up! I'm not looking at that!

Me: I'm not unzipping my pants! Stop saying things like that! I'm going to be posting this interview and I have no visual proof that I wasn't unzipping my pants.

DD: Heheheh....What’s that dildo for?

Me: Ooh! That's it! I'm leaving.